The Joy Of Relationships

Part of being alive is the fact that all of us have to be involved in some kind of relationship at some point in our lives. Sometimes those relationships are forced upon someone but most of the time a person gets to pick and choose the relationships that they want to be in. Over the last couple of years my relationships with people have changed as I've matured and adjusted to new ways of life following a mission and as I've realized the more serious nature of the life I currently live versus the one I lived in high school.

Since making a change in my own life in how I interact with people I have at times been fascinated by the ways that others move through their relationships with others. For some people it is an intense "do or die" lifestyle that leaves them on an emotional high or low depending on what other people are doing around them. Then there are people who I could swear give no thought to the relationship and just let things happen as they will. For myself I think there is a balance between the two.

There is no set way to build a relationship with someone, if there was, what would be the point of living? There wouldn't be a point, none at all. Each relationship is something that must be built from the ground up; I am not a believer in the idea that each one has a mold you start with; I think they are completely unique each and every time. For example, the relationship I have with my wife is built very differently from the ones I have with my friends such as Shawn and Paul. As a matter of fact, the relationship I have with those two friends is exponentially different anyways. I enjoy each one though and except for some minor tweaks and adjustments that could just as easily be forgotten as made I wouldn't change anything about them.

Another thing I've noticed is that there is no set time limit for relationships either. You could begin one at the end of a school semester and by the last week of summer vacation have it dwindle into nothing more than a casual acquaintance that you may happen to bump into four years later, or perhaps a relationship starts one day in class and blossoms into something that 25 years into the future has nurtured seven children, two grandchildren and a pet hamster. The opportunities are infinite and that is something I think is very important about relationships.

Despite all the thinking we can do about a person and what they look like, sound like, behave like there is no way of knowing how our relationship with that person will be until we decide to drop all of our preconcieved notions and give them an honest chance. I've fallen victim to that curse once or twice in my life and there is still one individual I refuse to have any interaction with because of the things I "perceived" were wrong with him and the situation. Did I ever know the facts about everything? I severely doubt it, but if I had who knows if I would have had one more friend to add to the list.

Here is a prime example for your consideration: My entire life, even through the completion of my mission I had a prepared model for the type of girl I was going to marry. Everyone around me probably had the same one. I thought I would only be happy if I was married to someone who sat in a chair and read books for hours; someone who had the exact same habits as me. Someone who liked to have lots of quiet time to do nothing or who had hobbies similar to mine. However, I was dead wrong. Anyone who knows my wife will agree that yes, she may be fine reading a book for hours and with having quiet time, but she also loves to party. Six months into being married to her I wouldn't trade the loud parties or the constant interaction with other people for anything in the world. I readily admit that I don't handle such interaction nearly as well as she does and sometimes I just float into the background and let things roll, but I love to see her happy when she's "relationshipping" with other people in a sense.

My wife and I have very different ways of running relationships with our friends and families but the systems we both have in place work wonderfully for us. I believe that there are not many people who actively think about their relationships with others and how what they say or do, or how what two friends say to each other affects them personally, but I do, its just kind of my thing nowadays. Somewhere deep inside I have a desire to try and in small unseen ways make sure that everybody has every chance to keep relationships alive because I really do believe that whatever form they may be in (excluding bad or inappropriate) they are essential to finding happiness in this day and age.